Monday, January 31, 2011

The Birth Board


If you don't have children (either already cooked or still in the oven) or have many friends that have babies.. this term "birth board" is completely foreign and probably conjures some odd images. As one friend said "is that something you use for labor?" If you would like to stay blissfully ignorant please feel free to skip, but if you are feeling brave or just dangerously curious read on

Birth Board is a online community message board that one joins for information or support. It can be divided into "birth month", certain complications, or certain situations. That's the technical definition.. what it really is is a place for absolutely bat sh*t crazy preggos to go infect other preggos with their insane anxieties, spread their ridiculous parenting choices, and subject everyone else to mindless information about their "miracle".... (sort of like what this blog is...hmmm oh well)
Now if you are unfamiliar with a birth board you are probably thinking "my my that's pretty harsh" no in truth its really quite kind and restrained.

Anyway against all better judgment I joined a "June 2011" birth board. At first I only used it for informational purposes like posts regarding certain "must haves" and "first time mom tips" but slowly I got sucked into vortex of insanity and drama.. it felt like a bad reality show where I could actually tell the characters that they are crazy. Now I am slightly opinionated and it just so happens that birth boarders (yes thats what they shall be called) are needy and desperate for outside validation from complete and total strangers especially it seems on the choice of their child's name. Now don't get me wrong I have floated name choices past friends and family, but they are good name choices. When someone wanted to name their child after a type of fabric or a spare car part and then asks what people think.. in the legal world that's called assumption of the risk (sort of) My issues with bad names is for another post.. But basically I quickly discovered a couple previously unknown things about preggos
1- We like to do things are way.. not just in the way everyone like to do their own thing.. but in that scary mother lion "I will rip your head off if you question me way"
2- Some of these women have hormone levels that would rival most high schools (not high school students individually- the collective total hormone levels of the student body). Anyone who has had the pleasure of dealing with a pregnant woman knows I do not exaggerate.
3- We like to judge others...while this is certainly a human trait something about points 1 and 2 make for a lethal combination...I suspect its the need to validate our own choices by vehemently disregarding any other option and then brutally judging the other person
4- Preggos are sort of lonely.. I don't mean this in a sad woe is me way, but there is something happening to a pregnant woman that really only a similarly situated preggo can understand. My wonderful friends indulge all my endless complaints and random 'who really cares but me' musings with the most compassion, patience and excitement I could ever dream of and I am eternally grateful for them, but at the end of the day all of these "issues" are happening to me. No one else is experiencing exactly what I am at that moment. Somehow talking to a preggo who is in the same week as you makes it all little less lonely (and less scary)... chances are we are both experiencing movement for the first time, or the same "what the heck was that" ache. Now its great, really really great, to have friends who have been there already who can say "oh I remember that.. it goes away" that light at the end of the tunnel is INVALUABLE, but the day to day bitching about the complaint du jour is also nice.
5- some preggos are on bedrest- this makes for PROLIFIC and sometimes completely random posts... hey I get it.. sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night wondering what pacifier is better, but I sure as hell don't hop up to blog about it....

6-Its anonymous.. back in the day when you had to comment to people face to face you were forced to be civil. When you discussed personal issues with someone you see often you used discretion and tact... well that's all shot to hell in age of faceless computer posting.

The combination of these 6 realities create a tempest of epic portions known as the birth board