Thursday, July 19, 2012
Mommy Reviewer
Since everyone cares ohh so much about my thoughts and opinions, I decided that I am going to read books and then blog about them. I really feel this is the next logical step in my path towards total self-importance. So I guess stay tuned- I'm checking a bunch of stuff out of the library and I have tofind time to read it.....
Curse of the Stay At Home*
So during my daily morning routine of checking a certain social media website I can't help but to notice how awesome and exciting other people's lives seem. I can't help feeling like I am accomplishing nothing. Yea yea yea I know I am "molding a human being" my job "is the most important in the world" blah blah. Yes it is completely true that being a mother is the most important and most rewarding job on the face of this earth, but it sure doesn't seem like that somedays. I think this is the curse of the stay at home.
Whether you are home by choice (lucky you) or because no one wants to hire you (sighhhhh), there is still the nagging feeling that you aren't doing anything. Yea, in the long term a mother is accomplishing more than a Nobel Prize winnning scientist. The long term result of the daily readings of Dr. Suess and endless patty cake is pretty amazing. Yet, it doesn't feel that way when each day feels like its just the same mindless tasks on the to-do or fatigue-inducing toddler entertainment. It is hard to see the forest through the trees. Regardless of how busy I am and how entirely drained I am at the end of the day I still somehow feel as though I have accomplished nothing!!! You know that saying "a woman's work is never done" (first of all, it should be a "mother's work") well the saying is true. It doesn't matter how many dishes I washed, how many meals were prepared, or how many gross 'my god what did she eat' diapers I change- the next day I just start all over again as though my hardwork didn't do anything. Why bother washing the floor when not 30 seconds after I put the mop away my darling daughter throws her plate of cantalope on it? The only thing I successfully put away permanently is that bag of chips, but that's only because it found a new home in my tummy....
A friend recently asked how motherhood was and since she's a pretty good friend I decided to be honest. My response? It is like trying to dig a hole in the sand entirely too close to the waves. Everytime you make a little progress whoosshhh the wave washes it away and you are left feeling as though you did nothing, but just like motherhood after hours upon hours of doing this over and over you have AMAZINGLY strong arms and sand everywhere. (I'll let you ponder that last part)
Ultimately, motherhood is rewarding, I guess. I just have to keep repeating it to myself- Every diaper, every painstakingly diced up piece of food, every nighttime wake-up call brings her one tiny unsteady step towards adulthood. Everyday that I diligently chase after her, patiently pick up everything that she drops again and again, and realistically fake enthusiasm for yet another game of patty cake she is becoming a better human being. and God help her if she doesn't include me in her Nobel Prize acceptance speech!
* I am sure this feeling is not limited to Stay at Homes, but I can only write what I know (or at least can reasonably convince you that I know)
Whether you are home by choice (lucky you) or because no one wants to hire you (sighhhhh), there is still the nagging feeling that you aren't doing anything. Yea, in the long term a mother is accomplishing more than a Nobel Prize winnning scientist. The long term result of the daily readings of Dr. Suess and endless patty cake is pretty amazing. Yet, it doesn't feel that way when each day feels like its just the same mindless tasks on the to-do or fatigue-inducing toddler entertainment. It is hard to see the forest through the trees. Regardless of how busy I am and how entirely drained I am at the end of the day I still somehow feel as though I have accomplished nothing!!! You know that saying "a woman's work is never done" (first of all, it should be a "mother's work") well the saying is true. It doesn't matter how many dishes I washed, how many meals were prepared, or how many gross 'my god what did she eat' diapers I change- the next day I just start all over again as though my hardwork didn't do anything. Why bother washing the floor when not 30 seconds after I put the mop away my darling daughter throws her plate of cantalope on it? The only thing I successfully put away permanently is that bag of chips, but that's only because it found a new home in my tummy....
A friend recently asked how motherhood was and since she's a pretty good friend I decided to be honest. My response? It is like trying to dig a hole in the sand entirely too close to the waves. Everytime you make a little progress whoosshhh the wave washes it away and you are left feeling as though you did nothing, but just like motherhood after hours upon hours of doing this over and over you have AMAZINGLY strong arms and sand everywhere. (I'll let you ponder that last part)
Ultimately, motherhood is rewarding, I guess. I just have to keep repeating it to myself- Every diaper, every painstakingly diced up piece of food, every nighttime wake-up call brings her one tiny unsteady step towards adulthood. Everyday that I diligently chase after her, patiently pick up everything that she drops again and again, and realistically fake enthusiasm for yet another game of patty cake she is becoming a better human being. and God help her if she doesn't include me in her Nobel Prize acceptance speech!
* I am sure this feeling is not limited to Stay at Homes, but I can only write what I know (or at least can reasonably convince you that I know)
Monday, July 16, 2012
My kid's name is better than your kid's name*
At first I was feeling a little guilty that I expressed such disgust at our college friend's new baby's name to my husband. I won't mention it here but think whore... of BIBLICAL proportions. I judge my friends' choices of names all the time. This is probably why they refuse to tell me until I am actually holding little Albert or Samoa. I don't just judge randomly I have rules
1- If you aren't pregnant and you tell me any possible offspring names you will get my complete uncensored opinion. Case in point- Our friends decided that if they were going to have twin girls they would name them Rose and Scarlet and I said "oh so you will be giving birth to a stripper and an 80 year old lady?' (I am pretty sure I stole that joke from somewhere...)
2- if you are pregnant and you ask my opinion. I'll still be really honest but probably way more edited.
3- if we are close friends I'll share my opinion even if I'm not asked
4- if we aren't good friends I'll probably just mock your choice behind your back.
So really if I tell you I hate your intended name its just like a Hallmark card saying how close I feel to you....
Anyway a couple thoughts about names...
1- Ok yea everyone says "oh it doesn't matter as long as you like it". No! That's wrong its not a paint color for your wall its your kid's NAME. You are saddling your kid with a name for the rest of his/her life. My opinion now is probably going to be the same as many other people's opinions later... and really what other people think DOES count. Chances are if you name your kid "Wolf" or "Danger" people will assume(unfairly but probably accurately) that your kid is a little sh*t.
2- opinions are just that. Just because I happen to hate aliteration when it comes to names...doesn't mean its a bad choice; it might just mean you have a crazy friend.
3- Preggos are crazy and what sounds good to them (ie pickles and ice) may not actually go together. So if your children's names sound like you are secretly forming your own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle group, I am probably going to mention that... :)
Sidenote- this is a true story, but the crisis (in my opinion, of course) was averted in this case and dearest friend chose a way better name that doesn't make me want to call her Master Splinter- I only tease her now because both her kids have pretty kick ass names
4- I am a firm believer in 'don't dish it if you can't take'. My child's name is CRAZY en vogue right now. I get it. She will be one of 8 with that name in her class. Lots of people told me this lots of time, but it's ok. A- I loved the name way before it became popular. B-I grew up never being able to find a sticker (magnet, mug etc) with my name and that made me sad. So I am sparing my child that particular pain. So I appreciate your opinions, I will take them under advisement, now why on earth are you naming your kid that name?
The birth board... oh my how I love thee. (Please see earlier post) So preggo birth boarders ALWAYS post their ideas for names and for some reason, as if just to tempt me, they have TERRIBLE choices. So I tell them. Totally unedited. Because heck they are strangers and I use up all my niceness on people I actually care about...
I really lucked out though because my closest friends have all, in the end, given their kids names that, even if I wouldn't make it my first choice, I actually really like and really seem to fit the particular kid and when it comes down to it "your kid is going to be too pretty for that name" really isn't a bad thing to say to anyone....
* The title is, of course, a joke. Please don't get in a tizzy- despite the fact that I seem to think I know everything, I don't actually know your kid's name and therefore can't compare it to my kid's name. (Although my kid's name is pretty kick a$s and probably IS better than your kid's)
1- If you aren't pregnant and you tell me any possible offspring names you will get my complete uncensored opinion. Case in point- Our friends decided that if they were going to have twin girls they would name them Rose and Scarlet and I said "oh so you will be giving birth to a stripper and an 80 year old lady?' (I am pretty sure I stole that joke from somewhere...)
2- if you are pregnant and you ask my opinion. I'll still be really honest but probably way more edited.
3- if we are close friends I'll share my opinion even if I'm not asked
4- if we aren't good friends I'll probably just mock your choice behind your back.
So really if I tell you I hate your intended name its just like a Hallmark card saying how close I feel to you....
Anyway a couple thoughts about names...
1- Ok yea everyone says "oh it doesn't matter as long as you like it". No! That's wrong its not a paint color for your wall its your kid's NAME. You are saddling your kid with a name for the rest of his/her life. My opinion now is probably going to be the same as many other people's opinions later... and really what other people think DOES count. Chances are if you name your kid "Wolf" or "Danger" people will assume(unfairly but probably accurately) that your kid is a little sh*t.
2- opinions are just that. Just because I happen to hate aliteration when it comes to names...doesn't mean its a bad choice; it might just mean you have a crazy friend.
3- Preggos are crazy and what sounds good to them (ie pickles and ice) may not actually go together. So if your children's names sound like you are secretly forming your own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle group, I am probably going to mention that... :)
Sidenote- this is a true story, but the crisis (in my opinion, of course) was averted in this case and dearest friend chose a way better name that doesn't make me want to call her Master Splinter- I only tease her now because both her kids have pretty kick ass names
4- I am a firm believer in 'don't dish it if you can't take'. My child's name is CRAZY en vogue right now. I get it. She will be one of 8 with that name in her class. Lots of people told me this lots of time, but it's ok. A- I loved the name way before it became popular. B-I grew up never being able to find a sticker (magnet, mug etc) with my name and that made me sad. So I am sparing my child that particular pain. So I appreciate your opinions, I will take them under advisement, now why on earth are you naming your kid that name?
The birth board... oh my how I love thee. (Please see earlier post) So preggo birth boarders ALWAYS post their ideas for names and for some reason, as if just to tempt me, they have TERRIBLE choices. So I tell them. Totally unedited. Because heck they are strangers and I use up all my niceness on people I actually care about...
I really lucked out though because my closest friends have all, in the end, given their kids names that, even if I wouldn't make it my first choice, I actually really like and really seem to fit the particular kid and when it comes down to it "your kid is going to be too pretty for that name" really isn't a bad thing to say to anyone....
* The title is, of course, a joke. Please don't get in a tizzy- despite the fact that I seem to think I know everything, I don't actually know your kid's name and therefore can't compare it to my kid's name. (Although my kid's name is pretty kick a$s and probably IS better than your kid's)
Garage Sale-ing
So there really isn't too much you can do with a 1 year. Turns out people REALLY judge you when you bring your toddler into a strip club... Also how many "mommy and me" and "library story times" can one sane(questionable) person handle?? More on my loathing of "mommy and me" activities later...
Anyway
What started as a Craigslist hunt for cheap outdoor baby toys somehow violently morphed into a garage sale-ing obsession.
I wonder if garage sales are exclusively American? It seems like something we would do... let's put all of our trash that we painstakingly collected over the years but don't want anymore out on our front lawns for stangers to paw through and haggle over 50 cents just so that in 2 years or so those same strangers will turn around and sell the same thing to a new batch of hagglers... and who says we don't recycle??
For the record, my aunt is one of those people. She goes to garage sales haggles over the last penny and then the NEXT weekend sells the crap for a profit. Part of me thinks my cousin should start checking out some elder-care options for her but a larger part thinks "that is f-ing brilliant". She apparently makes a nice tidy little profit and I think she is addicted to the rush of both scamming the idiot seller who doesn't know the worth of his treasures AND the unsuspecting idiot purchaser who is overpaying for crap....
but I digress
So I live on a corner that will often have those bright neon garage sale signs planted on Thursday evenings. Speaking of which- why do Garage sales start on fridays?? DIGRESSION- This makes me think it is really intended for retirees and stay at homes since we get the head start. Actually it is quite the competition between those two groups because the head start is on the side of the retiree who wakes up at 3 am (on account of them having eaten dinner at 4 pm the previous day) so they are THERE ready to go in their cars waiting for the sale the start. However, the stay at homes have the athletic edge we wear our sneakers and our yoga pants and the physical rigors of child rearing have primed our bodies.
Back to me- so it started with re-routing our morning walks to pass by these sales. A couple of really really awesome purchases later I am totally hooked. I quickly spiraled from looking up the garage sales in the local paper to using Google © Maps to plot out my targets. I leave the house bright and early (gotta beat those retirees) armed with my plotted out map, a detailed city street map, and my baby.
The biggest high is when I go “off map”. (Sigh just typing that makes me realize how much of a loser I am…) Anyway going “off map” is, of course, when you are interrupted from your plotted out map because you see one of those neon garage sale beacons and you start driving hither and yon to go find it and THEN you get there and A) no one is there be/c their advertising strategy harkens back to the early 90s B) there is AMAZING stuff and since they are obviously still in the 90’s the crap is priced from that era! I get a tingle just writing about it...
I also really love haggling. There is something about saving 25 cents that just does it for me. I know its ridiculous but it really is just awesome.
And before you go calling that hoarding show- its not like I buy a bunch of stuff. I am actually really discerning about my purchases and usually only come home with 1 or 2 things.
So that’s my sad sad little tale of entertainment. Before you comment on how lame I am I’m going to beat you to the punch like a fat comedian. I am WELL AWARE this is ridiculous and lame. But hey don’t knock it til you try it…
Anyway
What started as a Craigslist hunt for cheap outdoor baby toys somehow violently morphed into a garage sale-ing obsession.
I wonder if garage sales are exclusively American? It seems like something we would do... let's put all of our trash that we painstakingly collected over the years but don't want anymore out on our front lawns for stangers to paw through and haggle over 50 cents just so that in 2 years or so those same strangers will turn around and sell the same thing to a new batch of hagglers... and who says we don't recycle??
For the record, my aunt is one of those people. She goes to garage sales haggles over the last penny and then the NEXT weekend sells the crap for a profit. Part of me thinks my cousin should start checking out some elder-care options for her but a larger part thinks "that is f-ing brilliant". She apparently makes a nice tidy little profit and I think she is addicted to the rush of both scamming the idiot seller who doesn't know the worth of his treasures AND the unsuspecting idiot purchaser who is overpaying for crap....
but I digress
So I live on a corner that will often have those bright neon garage sale signs planted on Thursday evenings. Speaking of which- why do Garage sales start on fridays?? DIGRESSION- This makes me think it is really intended for retirees and stay at homes since we get the head start. Actually it is quite the competition between those two groups because the head start is on the side of the retiree who wakes up at 3 am (on account of them having eaten dinner at 4 pm the previous day) so they are THERE ready to go in their cars waiting for the sale the start. However, the stay at homes have the athletic edge we wear our sneakers and our yoga pants and the physical rigors of child rearing have primed our bodies.
Back to me- so it started with re-routing our morning walks to pass by these sales. A couple of really really awesome purchases later I am totally hooked. I quickly spiraled from looking up the garage sales in the local paper to using Google © Maps to plot out my targets. I leave the house bright and early (gotta beat those retirees) armed with my plotted out map, a detailed city street map, and my baby.
The biggest high is when I go “off map”. (Sigh just typing that makes me realize how much of a loser I am…) Anyway going “off map” is, of course, when you are interrupted from your plotted out map because you see one of those neon garage sale beacons and you start driving hither and yon to go find it and THEN you get there and A) no one is there be/c their advertising strategy harkens back to the early 90s B) there is AMAZING stuff and since they are obviously still in the 90’s the crap is priced from that era! I get a tingle just writing about it...
I also really love haggling. There is something about saving 25 cents that just does it for me. I know its ridiculous but it really is just awesome.
And before you go calling that hoarding show- its not like I buy a bunch of stuff. I am actually really discerning about my purchases and usually only come home with 1 or 2 things.
So that’s my sad sad little tale of entertainment. Before you comment on how lame I am I’m going to beat you to the punch like a fat comedian. I am WELL AWARE this is ridiculous and lame. But hey don’t knock it til you try it…
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Catch-up
So I have a bunch of unedited pregnancy posts that have never been posted. That probably makes for a crappy Pregnancy Blog- so give that my daughter just passed her birthday I figure I'll go back and start publishing those posts.
The take-away is that if you are so inclined please go back periodically and see what's "new" (or rather old) sorry
The take-away is that if you are so inclined please go back periodically and see what's "new" (or rather old) sorry
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