While I have long sung the praises of maternity pants, I have discovered one unfortunate downside- they happen to exponentially increase the itchiness of the rapidly expanding belly. Now for those who have not experienced experiences the miracle that is tummy expansion, evidently being stretched like taffy makes your belly VERY VERY itchy. And no despite all their claims skin creams DO NOTHING except make you smell like a coconut scratch and sniff sticker. In the privacy of my home I am free to scratch with wild abandon.. (think rabid dog with fleas) however, I recall my mom telling my brother "it is rude to scratch in public". Add to this plight the itchy material of maternity pants and you are basically in hell.
At work I really can't stop myself and frankly its starting to get weird... not only does maternity pants make you itchier but the sheer design that I once loved and praised so exuberantly now has made discreet itching a mere dream. Now I have to lift up the maternity shirts and pull down the maternity pant panel and then oh sweet sweet relief. Unfortunately I have some sort of crossed wires in my mind that cause me to close my eyes while scratching my tummy (and no I can't pat my head while scratching the tummy)
But it has occurred to me that there is a distinct possibility of my coworkers walking past my desk seeing me leaning back belly exposed in its full pale grotesquely rounded glory calmly scratching away with my eyes closed.... yea sort of like the gorillas you see at the zoo... well hopefully they are just grateful that I am not throwing feces at them...
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