Bowl Full of Jelly

Now that I am not puking my internals out and I have a deliciously round belly I am actually enjoying being pregnant- I am a delightful preggo. I heard the worst part of pregnancy is the third trimester and after my first I was TERRIFIED. but I gotta say I am freaking ROCKING this trimester as in I made it my bi*ch.

So in a rare moment of positive posting (don't get used to it) I am going to gush about the things I love about the 3rd trimester.

First, of all my belly moves. This might totally freak some people out, but it sort of makes me feel all powerful. I was able to totally send my nephew screaming from the room just by showing him my mishappen tummy move. I swear my darling fetus shares my unnatural love for 80's music and happily does a little fetus dance everytime Footloose blasts.


My husband is extra fabulous. I try not to gush about the hubby, because really who wants to read about that, but I think he is starting to really get it. Apparently that whole heartbeat/ ultrasound thing didn't really convince him. Now that our fetus has a personality its like he feels closer to it. He has been reading Harry Potter to the bump for a couple weeks now and its gotten to the point where he says in a very distinct and special voice "and NOW are you READY for HARRY POTTER?" and we can actually see baby move and kick and almost seem to settle down eager to hear him read.

I am pretty cranky person in general, but when you are this big people just assume you are going to eat them or something so they are EXTRA nice to you. People just get out of my way like I'm the freaking Queen of Sheba (in case you haven't noticed I like attention and power :)

I feel great, which makes no sense because I am huge. Not only does EVERYTHING taste wonderful, but my skin looks great and I have no signs of swelling. (I know brag brag brag, but after that 1st trimester I am owed a little bragging!)

I can eat whatever I want with no judgment. 2 big macs and a large strawberry shake that I dip my fries into... ohh yea because of course Im obviously pregnant. Forget for a moment that I TOTALLY ate that before...) Another slice of cake... yes please!

Expectant mom parking. Ok I actually don't use this because I feel I should save it for moms that are feeling all yucky, but I just love that it exists and wanted to give it a yay! shout-out.

Ok all that talk about big macs and milkshakes made me hungry....

Please Excuse me while I Scratch...

While I have long sung the praises of maternity pants, I have discovered one unfortunate downside- they happen to exponentially increase the itchiness of the rapidly expanding belly. Now for those who have not experienced experiences the miracle that is tummy expansion, evidently being stretched like taffy makes your belly VERY VERY itchy. And no despite all their claims skin creams DO NOTHING except make you smell like a coconut scratch and sniff sticker. In the privacy of my home I am free to scratch with wild abandon.. (think rabid dog with fleas) however, I recall my mom telling my brother "it is rude to scratch in public". Add to this plight the itchy material of maternity pants and you are basically in hell.
At work I really can't stop myself and frankly its starting to get weird... not only does maternity pants make you itchier but the sheer design that I once loved and praised so exuberantly now has made discreet itching a mere dream. Now I have to lift up the maternity shirts and pull down the maternity pant panel and then oh sweet sweet relief. Unfortunately I have some sort of crossed wires in my mind that cause me to close my eyes while scratching my tummy (and no I can't pat my head while scratching the tummy)
But it has occurred to me that there is a distinct possibility of my coworkers walking past my desk seeing me leaning back belly exposed in its full pale grotesquely rounded glory calmly scratching away with my eyes closed.... yea sort of like the gorillas you see at the zoo... well hopefully they are just grateful that I am not throwing feces at them...