Since having a child I feel a new found sympathy and camaraderie towards those mother grizzlies that attack seemingly innocent hikers that gets within 50 yards of their cubs. I never thought I would be over protective to the point of near physical violence but somehow that switch gets turned on. My husband has not been immune to similar feelings of papa bearness. It wasnt two days after we got our precious miracle home that we needed to venture out back into the germ infested hospital. We bundled her up and protectively carried her in her covered carseat between us walking remarkably quickly to our destination. As we make our way through the hallway we pass by a seemingly harmless man who then has the audacity to sneeze within 10 feet of our newborn fragile daughter!!! Yea sure he covered his nose and mouth but I know germs got through (have you ever tried to keep water in your hand - it leaks through?!) I somehow manage to not rip his germy little head off and we speed past quickly. As we wait for the elevator and fervently hope that no one else would ride along with us- closed space, germy people, no air... might as well dip our daughter into a petri dish! , my husband leans in and whispers- "is it wrong that I really wanted to punch that guy in the face?" somehow his own rage that matched mine was a comfort to me.
I thought this was a phase attributable to her fragile new immune system and my newness as a mother. I never expected the crazy need to purell every visitor to remain an integral part of my personality nor the deep breath I take whenever anyone approaches her carrier. I can feel myself preparing for battle- my muscles steeling themselves in preparation to either flee with my infant or fight off the well meaning, but dangerous attack, my tongue sharpening against my teeth ready to viciously chastise those who dare come too close or god forbid touch, my eagle eyes glued on every ones hands for the first sign of any attempts at physical contact and my brain feverishly trying to ascertain the worst potential predator- is it the woman with the oh too curious looking germ filled child? is it walking bacteria factory cleverly disguised as a ignorant teenager eager to squeal at my precious bundle of cuteness or is it the grandmotherly old lady who is equally as armed as me wiht her own weapons of insidious comments and unwanted advice. It doesn't matter I am well prepared to maul each of them or all three of them at once if need be- hell I'll also take down that creepy would-be pedophile with the moustache standing in the corner while I am at it.
Perhaps my grizzliness took its truest form while at Church. The problem with church is that its a bunch of germy strangers crammed into a tiny space touching and talking and pretending they are some sort of closeknit community. I dread the moments we shake hands and ache with impatience looking for the next opportunity I can discreetly disinfect myself. My papa bear husband and I try to get there early to get the last pew so that no one is leaning over our daughter's carrier (placed protectively on the pew between us) and breathing their foul breath on her. Last week we missed the opportunity and we were stuck sitting in front of a young man. oh well he probably wont be interested enough to lean close to her plus hes fairly tall hopefully his germs would drift right over her. Then to my absolute horror he moves over to let his wife and 4 small children in next to him. As his young daughters lean dangerously close to my daughters sleeping face I can feel myself stiffen- What do I do? Do I say something? Do I risk waking my peaceful child up just to hold her in my protective arms away from the breathy assault of this young brood behind me? As I contemplate my next move my husband leans in and whispers "I can actually hear you growling".... the metamorphosis is complete. I have officially become a vicious overprotective grizzly bear- growl and all and if you don't stay at least 10 feet away from my child you can rest assure I am imagining ripping your body apart limb from limb.
HAHA!
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