The moment the doctor placed a squalling bundle of joy on my chest said I just delivered a girl she matter as well have just said "Congrats, you just delivered a living terror who will do endless battle with you from this day forward. Of course, I love my child more than anything but I knew that my daughter would inevitably inherit certain personality traits from me- unbreakable willpower, unreserved and free flowing opinions and the total willingness to compromise and since the fates would conspire against me- the complete inability to see logic and reason (inherited, of course, from her father). Sure enough not yet 6 weeks into her young life and we have already butt heads.. I think she should sleep; she disagrees. I knew this would happen. I can easily see myself years down the road battling my daughters will...
" no, little 8 year old daughter, we are not getting a pony"
"hell no, 14 year old apple of my eye, you cannot get a tattoo"
"Absolutely not, 17 year old precious gem, I will not let you out of your room so you can run off and marry that tattooed long haired freak named Dirk and I dont care he has a motorcycle and a part time job at target"
As you can see I fully anticipated some epic battles in the future. What I was completely unprepared for is for my daughter's little iron will to present itself so early. I always considered baby cries to be so cute and sometimes she will cry in such a way that break my heart, but more often than not she will clench her fists look at me and bust out this high pitched yell. Its not a cry because its just one sustained sound like an angry troll shriek. Our biggest battles center around pacifiers, tummy time and eating.
I heard babies sometimes have preferences for pacifiers... I was unprepared for the fact that there would be one ONE type of pacifier my daughter will allow. Any attempts to trick her will be met with her swift form of justice- spitting the offensive pacifier out and yelling that troll yell while angrily shaking her fists. Who knew that a tiny 6 week old could force two grown adults to run around at 3 am desperately searching for THE pacifier (yes we have since gotten more than one) She wins this round
As a nursing mother I am entirely under my daughter's minuscule thumb when it comes to eating. She says when and how long. I knew this when I signed up for "on demand" feedings I did not sign up for a middle of the night Reign of Terror. Instead of one long sustained chow session she has the propensity to treat my breasts as an all you can eat buffet. You know how it works.. you go to the buffet gorge for a couple minutes sit back relax and then go back.. repeat several times all in a gluttonous attempt to get your money's worth. Several times a night she will demurely eat and fall sound asleep after 4 minutes only to wake up an hour later screaming for more. This sh*t may have been acceptable when her tummy was the size of a marble but I will not have this! I am determined to end this tit tyranny! Unfortunately the only option is to just ignore these plaintive cries for nourishment... I steel myself to attempt this- however, the little wench has convinced my breasts to defect onto her side causing the traitorous orbs to gush like Niagara at any attempts to ignore her demands.... This round also goes to her.
tummy time.... sigh. This is our epic battle. I know she needs it if she is ever going to be a functioning being, she refuses to see the logic in this argument and screams bloody murder the second her round little tummy hits her way too expensive, animals of the world, sensory stimulating, activity mat. I can really only tolerate about 30 seconds of this noise before I pick her up and cuddle her against my now soaking wet shirt and am immediately rewarded with a sly grin and despotic giggle...
we have, at least for now, reached a detente of sorts. I wake up and feed her as many times as she would like and she responds to my insistence on tummy time, not with angry screaming that makes my ears bleed but rather with passive resistance.. she immediately falls asleep and is peaceful as can be... I guess thats the Ghandi response of the baby world.....
No comments:
Post a Comment