Well if it isn't Mr. Mary Poppins

I'll start by saying that I have no idea what I do with my day. I wake up with a head full of plans and somehow end the day with the house just as messy, laundry just as undone, dinner just as uncooked, but somehow I am EXHAUSTED. Okay, yes I do chase after a very active and demanding 1 year old all day. So I feel hey as long as I keep her alive, decently fed, and not screaming the entire day I have actually accomplished quite a lot, right? It annoys me to no end when my darling husband seems bewildered when he comes to a total mess with nothing accomplished (except for happy fed baby, of course). He isn't mad, just confused. Ok hot shot you do it if you think it's so easy...

This week I had a very important appointment to attend that required getting ready, looking good, and being on time. So, of course, husband takes over baby care in the morning while I am gone. Now, I love baby and I love husband, but there is a tiny tiny angry troll part of me that hopes baby acts like her true demonic self and he can get a taste of my mornings. I secretly hope that I will come home to a dirty naked little maniac running around a house that is one piece of junk mail away from being declared a state of emergency with a frenzied exhausted husband covered in baby's breakfast and possibly some baby poo. (I know, I am cruel and awful- no surprise there) I cackle gleefully at this image especially the part where husband sees me, falls to his knees, and begs me to never leave the house again and later returned home with a dozen roses and his eternal praise over my superior mothering ability......
(you know where this is going)
I get home and wait for the deluge of complaints and praise- what's that noise? Oh, its silence… followed by a giggle. Oh, maybe she somehow figured out how to tie him to a stake and I am just in time to save him! I look down to carefully step over the toys and other random junk on the floor and I almost trip over the nothingness. There is nothing on the floor.... WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!!! I run into the kitchen... the robber took all of our dirty dishes!!! And cleaned up the counter... wait a minute. I look through the clear window (formerly covered in sticky handprints and dog boogers) and see my husband pushing a laughing, fully dressed baby in the swing. He is also dressed and sadly not covered in any kind of filth.

Fastforward past my confusion and disappointment. Apparently, Mr. Wonderful not only took really awesome care of baby, but he also managed to tackle my to- do list... you know the one that I have been chipping away at for oh I don't know-a YEAR! WTF!!! Ok, now I know what you are thinking- geez you ungrateful wench I would love it if my husband was able to clean AND take care of the baby. No, you wouldn't- you think you would, but you wouldn't. You would feel just as horrible as I felt. Not only can husband keep baby better fed, better dressed and happier, but he can also do it AND freaking clean the mountains of mess that have piled up during my reign of neglect. Now I have done an amazing job thus far protecting myself from "supermoms". I relish in the fact that my friends seem to have just as tough a time as I do- in fact if any of them behaved as husband did I would immediately cut them out of my life. (Digression, if any of my friends are actually Supermom they have the good sense to hide it and complain just as much as I do AND I think they are actually pretty super anyway)
Back to husband who has morphed into some horrible combination of Mary Poppins and Mr. Clean. I have no idea how he did it- then it occurs to me... he knew about this appointment two weeks ago. That is PLENTY of time to make the necessary preparations. I bet as soon as I pulled out of the driveway a van full of little Merry maids pulled up and got right to work and a brunette Julie Andrews came down our chimney and immediately worked her babycare magic... no wonder he looked so refreshed- I bet the bastard got a nap in as well. Yea, now it makes sense. Phew, and there I was thinking he did it all on his own and that I was somehow horrifically inadequate. Ha! Well, I feel better.....