Things People forget to Mention about Pregnancy 1st edition

This section reminds of when I got a puppy when I was ten... I read all the books about the whimpering, accidents, and total destruction of everything within the dogs reach... but I NEVER EVER read about the fact that puppies NIP (or to the uninformed unaware 10 year.. BITE) I distinctly remember telling my mom that I didn't want the puppy anymore because she was mean and my mom patiently (albeit a little late) explained that puppies nip... I also remember thinking WHY DOESNT ANYONE SAY THIS IN THE BOOKS.... well pregnancy is very similar to that first puppy experience... except I'm the one having the accidents and chewing on everything in sight..


1- Ok I knew morning sickness could strike at anytime, but no one ever tells you that you will never get relief. I naively thought that just like any vomiting once you do it you get relief... nope

2- You will vomit regardless of having nothing in your stomach. This has led to some interesting discoveries (please see "My Favorite Things.. to vomit" post)

3-I am not going to get too detailed here (please see "This isn't like college" post) but vomiting is intensly more violent when you are pregnant .

4-It is not uncommon to pee when you puke... yep because being head first into a toilet is not degrading enough.

5-That glow? Its oil and sweat because you have magically transformed into a 15 year old boy.

6- You will cease to be able to function. Not only are you puking and exhausted from puking, but for some ungodly reason your entire body feels as though you just ran a marathon and then stayed up all night partying with Mick Jagger. (But of course without the fun...)

7- You know that adorable baby bump you were looking forward to sporting like a celeb splashed all over the cover of People... yea at first you just look fat. Your body just begins to thicken and pudge up in that I've eaten too many Big Macs way. This happens usually before you tell anyone about the baby, so if you are like me you feel a little judged after you publicly lust after that box of donuts..

8- So I knew my boobs would get sore. Ok I can deal with it but haha jokes on me because I DID NOT read that they would get HUGE AND PORN STAR ROUND. Which means I have to constantly fend off handsy husband. Now he is very very sensitive to my discomfort but his brain seems block out my repeated "DON'T TOUCH!" warnings. Next pregnancy I am getting a fly- swatter.